...like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.
A sneak peek of our wedding on the edge. More to come...
Saturday, October 22, 2011
The Sea Was Angry That Day, My Friends....
...like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.
A sneak peek of our wedding on the edge. More to come...
Sunday, September 18, 2011
We Did It!
We did it! We tied the knot!
(Come back in a couple weeks for gorgeous photographs from our photographer. And in the meantime, visit our Wedding on the Edge Facebook page to share your own pictures from our wedding!)
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Come on, Irene!
Hurricane Irene touched down in the Outer Banks, NC, at around 7 AM this morning, with intense winds and heavy rain that could throw quite a hurricane-sized kink into our wedding plans twenty days from now.
Jeff and I are keeping our eyes on the news and waiting to hear from the realtor and our vendors over the next few days as they assess the damage. Though this is a large storm, we are cautiously optimistic that we'll be able to hold our wedding as planned on September 16. But just in case things don't go perfectly smoothly, we'd like to ask our wedding guests to stay in touch with us via email and to check out this blog for updates and information as we get closer to the Big Day.
Thank you all for your love and support! And keep your fingers crossed!
Jeff and I are keeping our eyes on the news and waiting to hear from the realtor and our vendors over the next few days as they assess the damage. Though this is a large storm, we are cautiously optimistic that we'll be able to hold our wedding as planned on September 16. But just in case things don't go perfectly smoothly, we'd like to ask our wedding guests to stay in touch with us via email and to check out this blog for updates and information as we get closer to the Big Day.
Thank you all for your love and support! And keep your fingers crossed!
Friday, August 26, 2011
Thursday, August 25, 2011
What to Wear to Our Wedding
Never been to a (Pagan) beach wedding? Neither have we! So we did some googling to find out what kind of attire all those "experts" out there recommend for our Big Day on the threshold. Below you'll find some basic Do's and Don't's that we've discovered in our research.
Definitely do wear whatever you want! We don't care! We want you to feel comfortable and relaxed so that you can enjoy celebrating our wedding with us. Most of what follows are tips and suggestions to help you plan and prepare, but they're not hard and fast rules. We strongly believe in the come-as-you-are (because-you-are-awesome) philosophy of wedding day style.
Do embrace the casual, playful spirit of our wedding! Sundresses, khakis, hippie skirts, even Hawaiian shirts are all a'okay! Bright, fun colors are encouraged — they'll stand out beautifully against the sand and the sky in our wedding pictures.
Do dress comfortably in loose, light clothing that breathes well (such as cotton or linen). You'll feel more at ease in clothes that move with the breeze and keep you cool at the same time.
Do remember that you'll be walking in sand! Treat your feet with care. Now's your chance to break out those adorable sandals or fly flipflops you love. Flats, casual shoes and even bare feet are all appropriate, too.
Do be prepared for the elements. Hats and sunglasses will protect you from the sun and keep you from glaring while we're exchanging our vows. A shawl, wrap, shrug or casual jacket will be helpful if the ocean breeze gets a bit too chilly. Whatever you wear, make sure it can stand up to sand, sun and a bit of salt spray.
Definitely don't feel pressured to go out and buy a whole new outfit for our wedding! We are all about the eco-friendly principles of the three Rs: reduce, reuse, recycle. (It even took some convincing to get Ali to buy a new wedding dress, instead of just wearing a dress she already had!) We promise to be pleased and proud if we notice you wearing that favorite skirt you've worn a thousand times before, or that faithful button-down shirt you wear to the office every week. Your care for the earth will help to make our wedding day all the more special!
Don't wear or carrying small or expensive items (such as jewelry, cosmetics, cell phones, etc.) that could easily be dropped or lost in the sand. That would be sad! And also, it's littering. (If you need to carry such items with you, avoid large, clunky bags. Try something small, light-weight and, ideally, with a zipper to keep it safely closed.)
Don't wear heels, please! We would be heartbroken if you turned an ankle!
For more information and wedding day details, check out the For Our Guests page!
Wedding Attire Do's
Definitely do wear whatever you want! We don't care! We want you to feel comfortable and relaxed so that you can enjoy celebrating our wedding with us. Most of what follows are tips and suggestions to help you plan and prepare, but they're not hard and fast rules. We strongly believe in the come-as-you-are (because-you-are-awesome) philosophy of wedding day style.
Do embrace the casual, playful spirit of our wedding! Sundresses, khakis, hippie skirts, even Hawaiian shirts are all a'okay! Bright, fun colors are encouraged — they'll stand out beautifully against the sand and the sky in our wedding pictures.
Do dress comfortably in loose, light clothing that breathes well (such as cotton or linen). You'll feel more at ease in clothes that move with the breeze and keep you cool at the same time.
Do remember that you'll be walking in sand! Treat your feet with care. Now's your chance to break out those adorable sandals or fly flipflops you love. Flats, casual shoes and even bare feet are all appropriate, too.
Do be prepared for the elements. Hats and sunglasses will protect you from the sun and keep you from glaring while we're exchanging our vows. A shawl, wrap, shrug or casual jacket will be helpful if the ocean breeze gets a bit too chilly. Whatever you wear, make sure it can stand up to sand, sun and a bit of salt spray.
Wedding Attire Don'ts
Definitely don't feel pressured to go out and buy a whole new outfit for our wedding! We are all about the eco-friendly principles of the three Rs: reduce, reuse, recycle. (It even took some convincing to get Ali to buy a new wedding dress, instead of just wearing a dress she already had!) We promise to be pleased and proud if we notice you wearing that favorite skirt you've worn a thousand times before, or that faithful button-down shirt you wear to the office every week. Your care for the earth will help to make our wedding day all the more special!
Don't wear or carrying small or expensive items (such as jewelry, cosmetics, cell phones, etc.) that could easily be dropped or lost in the sand. That would be sad! And also, it's littering. (If you need to carry such items with you, avoid large, clunky bags. Try something small, light-weight and, ideally, with a zipper to keep it safely closed.)
Don't wear heels, please! We would be heartbroken if you turned an ankle!
For more information and wedding day details, check out the For Our Guests page!
Friday, August 19, 2011
Friday, August 05, 2011
42!
Well, we have forty-two days to go until the wedding (and only ten days left to RSVP!), and things are moving right along in more ways than one. This past week we made the final reservations for our honeymoon — two weeks of camping out west in Zion and Bryce Canyon National Parks with a short but sweet stay in a Santa Fe B&B — and we also received our first official wedding presents (thank you!) from our main gift registry with REI, a nonprofit co-op for camping and outdoor gear. We're nailing down last minute details with our vendors, finishing designing our ceremony and writing our vows, and figuring out "plan B" alternatives in case of inclement weather (because it's always when you're well prepared for disaster that things end up going perfectly!).
Non-wedding-related life has been a bit crazy as well, with unexpected business trips and happy holiday visits with dear friends, birthdays and beach vacations for the kids and an early start to their homeschooling year. Jeff and I are working to keep our heads above water and de-stress as much as we can with our yoga and running — not to mention get-togethers with our friend, Arthur, for marathons of Doctor Who and Battlestar Galactica.
It's still hard to believe that in only forty-two days, we'll be married. I have to admit, although I was always adamant about having a year-long engagement (not too short, not too long, or so I thought), I think a full year's worth of wedding planning is about as much as I can take. And since we've been unofficially planning this wedding since about March 2010 — I'm about four months past burn-out. I could be quite happy never to hear the words "wedding planning" used together in the same sentence ever again.
Still, I am psyched about the actual getting married part. Jeff — who doesn't much like ritual or public speaking — is a bit worried that he'll be too overwhelmed for the ceremony to be really meaningful for him. I know what he means, but personally, I'm a bit worried that it'll be too meaningful and we'll both end up crying like babies. We have a tendency to do that. (We cried when he proposed, we cried when our custom wedding bands arrived, we even cried when we first sat down together back in March 2010 to talk seriously about saving money for an engagement.)
But whatever happens during the ceremony itself, I'm looking forward to being a wife. I'm looking forward to settling back down into the simple, daily process of living our lives together in partnership, now with that promise of commitment and community support and love behind us. (It helps that my side of the family got to meet Jeff's lovely kids at the engagement party back in June, and are hopefully now a little more reassured that I'm not stepping into a dysfunctional family situation.... or at least, no more dysfunctional than most!) I've heard from some brides that it's easy to get so caught up in the excitement and busyness of wedding planning, that returning to "ordinary life" afterwards can feel like a bit of a let-down. But I for one could use a bit of down-time right about now, with only a little more than a month to go. (True confessions: I am really really excited about the honeymoon! Nothing like a desert night sky full of unbelievable stars stretching off into infinity to help you recover from the mundane hustle and bustle, eh?)
In the meantime, there is something all you lovely people can do to help me chillax a bit over the next month. Be sure to check back here for updates, especially regarding helpful info about the ceremony and reception. We're doing things Druish-style! And that makes me a bit nervous that people won't know what to expect. That's what this blog (and our guest "wedsite") is here for, to keep you all in the loop so we can all relax, kick back and enjoy ourselves on that special day!
Oh, and if you haven't RSVPed yet — there's no time like the present!
Non-wedding-related life has been a bit crazy as well, with unexpected business trips and happy holiday visits with dear friends, birthdays and beach vacations for the kids and an early start to their homeschooling year. Jeff and I are working to keep our heads above water and de-stress as much as we can with our yoga and running — not to mention get-togethers with our friend, Arthur, for marathons of Doctor Who and Battlestar Galactica.
It's still hard to believe that in only forty-two days, we'll be married. I have to admit, although I was always adamant about having a year-long engagement (not too short, not too long, or so I thought), I think a full year's worth of wedding planning is about as much as I can take. And since we've been unofficially planning this wedding since about March 2010 — I'm about four months past burn-out. I could be quite happy never to hear the words "wedding planning" used together in the same sentence ever again.
Still, I am psyched about the actual getting married part. Jeff — who doesn't much like ritual or public speaking — is a bit worried that he'll be too overwhelmed for the ceremony to be really meaningful for him. I know what he means, but personally, I'm a bit worried that it'll be too meaningful and we'll both end up crying like babies. We have a tendency to do that. (We cried when he proposed, we cried when our custom wedding bands arrived, we even cried when we first sat down together back in March 2010 to talk seriously about saving money for an engagement.)
But whatever happens during the ceremony itself, I'm looking forward to being a wife. I'm looking forward to settling back down into the simple, daily process of living our lives together in partnership, now with that promise of commitment and community support and love behind us. (It helps that my side of the family got to meet Jeff's lovely kids at the engagement party back in June, and are hopefully now a little more reassured that I'm not stepping into a dysfunctional family situation.... or at least, no more dysfunctional than most!) I've heard from some brides that it's easy to get so caught up in the excitement and busyness of wedding planning, that returning to "ordinary life" afterwards can feel like a bit of a let-down. But I for one could use a bit of down-time right about now, with only a little more than a month to go. (True confessions: I am really really excited about the honeymoon! Nothing like a desert night sky full of unbelievable stars stretching off into infinity to help you recover from the mundane hustle and bustle, eh?)
In the meantime, there is something all you lovely people can do to help me chillax a bit over the next month. Be sure to check back here for updates, especially regarding helpful info about the ceremony and reception. We're doing things Druish-style! And that makes me a bit nervous that people won't know what to expect. That's what this blog (and our guest "wedsite") is here for, to keep you all in the loop so we can all relax, kick back and enjoy ourselves on that special day!
Oh, and if you haven't RSVPed yet — there's no time like the present!
Saturday, July 02, 2011
Gowns of Green
It seems only a few months ago that I was having a minor breakdown about trying to find an eco-friendly wedding dress. (Oh, wait! It was!) Googling the subject to take a look at my options, I seemed to find a lot of websites that recommended things like: buy a used dress, or buy a dress you can wear more than once! Really? If I asked you where I could buy sustainably-made tee-shirts, and you told me, "Just buy a regular tee-shirt, and wear it more than once!" ...I would probably point out to you that that's not really "eco-friendly," so much as just not conspicuous consumption. Wear clothes more than once? Well, duh.
Then, of course, there were the dresses made from organic hemp and cotton, or sustainable raw silk... These mostly looked like they were constructed out of cardboard and guilt. But every once in a while you'd find a few that were absolutely gorgeous, in the "more suitable to a Paris runway in the FUTURE than a casual beach wedding" sort of way — with a price tag that agreed.
So time passed, and I was beginning to panic. Then I went through that blissful stage when you shrug your shoulders and pretend like the problem doesn't exist at all. ("Maybe we could go skyclad after all," I thought to myself. "I mean, are we Pagan, or are we Pagan, am I right?" And the little voice in my head would reply back, "Um... we're more, you know, Druish than Pagan, really, and kinda shy, and our parents will be there, and it could be chilly, maybe, and we still need to lose some of that winter weight, and, and... remember, Druids are all about the white gowns, don't forget, right? Please don't make us go skyclad.") This went on for a month or so, while I was busy with other things.
Then one day, Jeff and I were out at the local Panera, which is right near the local bookstore, which is where we like to spend a lot of our time. The bookstore happens to be across the street from a department store which I've set foot in maybe twice in the six or seven years I've lived in this city. But on this particular and particularly special day, something in my poor wedding-sick brain snapped... and I turned to my lovely groom and said, "Want to go in and see if they have any white dresses on sale?"
So we did. And they did. And I got a cute little summer dress made from all-natural materials for less than $50, perfect for a Pagan beach wedding, and casual enough that I can most definitely wear it again (and again and again!). I think we can count that as a solid 2.5 on our Two Outta Three rating system.
I won't spoil the surprise by sharing any pictures of the dress — but rest assured, my parents have seen it, and agree that it "suits me" quite well. So while I don't recommend that you go out and buy your wedding dress from a random department store after months of panic and denial, I have to say: Stress-Driven Shopping Spree For the Win!
Just for fun, though, here are a few examples of what my wedding dress most definitely does not look like, but which are pretty kickass nonetheless:
Then, of course, there were the dresses made from organic hemp and cotton, or sustainable raw silk... These mostly looked like they were constructed out of cardboard and guilt. But every once in a while you'd find a few that were absolutely gorgeous, in the "more suitable to a Paris runway in the FUTURE than a casual beach wedding" sort of way — with a price tag that agreed.
So time passed, and I was beginning to panic. Then I went through that blissful stage when you shrug your shoulders and pretend like the problem doesn't exist at all. ("Maybe we could go skyclad after all," I thought to myself. "I mean, are we Pagan, or are we Pagan, am I right?" And the little voice in my head would reply back, "Um... we're more, you know, Druish than Pagan, really, and kinda shy, and our parents will be there, and it could be chilly, maybe, and we still need to lose some of that winter weight, and, and... remember, Druids are all about the white gowns, don't forget, right? Please don't make us go skyclad.") This went on for a month or so, while I was busy with other things.
Then one day, Jeff and I were out at the local Panera, which is right near the local bookstore, which is where we like to spend a lot of our time. The bookstore happens to be across the street from a department store which I've set foot in maybe twice in the six or seven years I've lived in this city. But on this particular and particularly special day, something in my poor wedding-sick brain snapped... and I turned to my lovely groom and said, "Want to go in and see if they have any white dresses on sale?"
So we did. And they did. And I got a cute little summer dress made from all-natural materials for less than $50, perfect for a Pagan beach wedding, and casual enough that I can most definitely wear it again (and again and again!). I think we can count that as a solid 2.5 on our Two Outta Three rating system.
I won't spoil the surprise by sharing any pictures of the dress — but rest assured, my parents have seen it, and agree that it "suits me" quite well. So while I don't recommend that you go out and buy your wedding dress from a random department store after months of panic and denial, I have to say: Stress-Driven Shopping Spree For the Win!
Just for fun, though, here are a few examples of what my wedding dress most definitely does not look like, but which are pretty kickass nonetheless:
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| From "Weedrobes" by Canadian environmental artist, Nicole Dextras |
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| The "Robe Vegetale" wedding dress by Patrick Blanc |
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| The "Sprinkle Dress" by Italian designer Linda Schailon |
Thursday, June 09, 2011
Gift
Yesterday our very first wedding gift arrived!
All over the world, gifts are the glue that hold societies together. Gifts are given to create new relationships, and strengthen existing ones, and sometimes — as with an engagement ring — to mark a change in the kind of relationship. Somehow, the arrival of this first wonderful gift makes our wedding seem even more real. After all, a wedding is about the union of families, the binding of community, as much as it is about two individuals.
The word gift comes from Proto Indo European ghabh, "to exchange", which descended into Proto Germanic as giftiz and Old Norse as gift or gipt; the Norse used it to mean both "gift" and "good luck". In Old English, giftiz became gift as well, but only referred to a dowry (bride-price); but in Middle English the Norse meaning was borrowed. Among the Germanic tribes, kings were chiefly esteemed by their gift-giving: the more wonderful gifts they could bestow on their followers, the greater their honor and prestige. It was the same with their gods: Odin, for example, had a magic ring called Draupnir, "dripper", which dropped eight golden rings every ninth night. This gift-giving was a custom similar to that of the potlatch of the tribes of the American Northwest.
Spiritually, gift is such an essential concept that the sound 'g' is associated with gift-giving. The word gift specifically indicates an offering which is raised up, held poised, and then released, free to follow its own path.
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
Why
An ancient word, from Proto Indo European quei, literally "at whom?" Related to what, who, and where. In Proto Germanic it became khwi, and in Old English hwi, the instrumental case of hwaet ("what"). Hwi could be used to mean "why" or "how", but as how became more popular, why came to mean only "for what reason"? Spiritually, the word indicates a willful energy initiating thought, mind, art.
I was poking around on a forum the other day, and someone asked for feedback on why a man would get married in 2011. After all, a man no longer has to actually get married to get many of the traditional benefits of marriage: a loving partner, children, solid family life... For that matter, the same is true for women. At least, this was the argument put forward.
I feel like the answer is obvious. I’m getting married for two reasons: (1) because I'm committed to Alison, and I want to codify and set that commitment in a way that goes beyond simple words, beyond easy promises -- I want ritual, and oath, to show my devotion and loyalty. And (2) because a marriage is not just a private contract between two people, but a social act — one that involves the recognition and support of the entire community. When we marry, we will perform a ritual of commitment that is witnessed by our families and friends, and that means a lot to us. We’re literally asking you to share our joy with us, and to recognize that we consider each other to be family.
I was poking around on a forum the other day, and someone asked for feedback on why a man would get married in 2011. After all, a man no longer has to actually get married to get many of the traditional benefits of marriage: a loving partner, children, solid family life... For that matter, the same is true for women. At least, this was the argument put forward.
I feel like the answer is obvious. I’m getting married for two reasons: (1) because I'm committed to Alison, and I want to codify and set that commitment in a way that goes beyond simple words, beyond easy promises -- I want ritual, and oath, to show my devotion and loyalty. And (2) because a marriage is not just a private contract between two people, but a social act — one that involves the recognition and support of the entire community. When we marry, we will perform a ritual of commitment that is witnessed by our families and friends, and that means a lot to us. We’re literally asking you to share our joy with us, and to recognize that we consider each other to be family.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
What Do You Get When Two Introverts Go Traveling?
Lots of pictures of each other, but no pictures together!
Oh, well. Our awesome wedding photographer will make up for that in September!
And since I don't think we've shared a picture of him on this blog yet, and he is most displeased with our oversight.... Here is a picture of a very important family member, indeed:
Cu Gwyn, The Best Cat Ever
Cu says, "All Ur Windowsill R Belong to Us!"
Oh, well. Our awesome wedding photographer will make up for that in September!
And since I don't think we've shared a picture of him on this blog yet, and he is most displeased with our oversight.... Here is a picture of a very important family member, indeed:
Cu Gwyn, The Best Cat Ever
Cu says, "All Ur Windowsill R Belong to Us!"
Friday, May 20, 2011
Fiancé, Fiancée, Betrothed
The Proto Indo Europeans of the Asian steppe had a word, bheidh, meaning "advise, encourage, command", much the same as its rather stuffy-sounding English descendant bid (as in "He bade me come inside," "I will do as you bid"). The word came into Latin as fidare, "to trust", from which was derived the noun fides, "trust, confidence, faith." This went into Old French as feid, and became faith in Middle English. Meanwhile Latin also had a derived form, adfidare, meaning roughly "to state on faith," which descended into Medeival Latin as affadavit "he has sworn". The two paired terms went into Old French as afier and fier; they were converted into the French nouns afiance and fiance, "confidence, trust", and two verbs in turn derived from that, afiancier and fiancer, "to promise". They were borrowed into English as the verb affiance ("to become betrothed") and the noun fiancé (the one promising). The feminine form of fiancé was borrowed as fiancée.
The two words replaced the old Anglo Saxon betrothed, which literally means "become pledged", and is related to truth, in the sense that a promise literally makes something true.
The words fiancé, fiancée have a spiritual trajectory of high, tense freedom being gathered up and grounded, with a release of sunlight, energy, and motion.
The two words replaced the old Anglo Saxon betrothed, which literally means "become pledged", and is related to truth, in the sense that a promise literally makes something true.
The words fiancé, fiancée have a spiritual trajectory of high, tense freedom being gathered up and grounded, with a release of sunlight, energy, and motion.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Beach
I don't know about you, but after such a long cold winter, I am totally ready to hit the beach. Well, emotionally, I'm ready. I think I should lose a few pounds and establish a bit of color to my skin first... But a wedding on the beach to the woman of my dreams: yes, I'm ready!
Beach is from Proto Germanic bakiz, meaning a stream. In Old English this became bece, and in Middle English beach. In the late 1500's, the word was extended to mean the sandy, pebbly stream bed, and from there to sandy, pebbly shorelines.
Spiritually a beach is a place of challenge and change: a burst of energy, high and tense, resolved with a difficult achievement. We chose the beach, not because it was an easy or relaxing place to get married, but because of the beauty of the clashing and mixing elements. It's a challenge, but so very worth it.
Beach is from Proto Germanic bakiz, meaning a stream. In Old English this became bece, and in Middle English beach. In the late 1500's, the word was extended to mean the sandy, pebbly stream bed, and from there to sandy, pebbly shorelines.
Spiritually a beach is a place of challenge and change: a burst of energy, high and tense, resolved with a difficult achievement. We chose the beach, not because it was an easy or relaxing place to get married, but because of the beauty of the clashing and mixing elements. It's a challenge, but so very worth it.
Wednesday, May 04, 2011
Bad Dreams & Wedding Worries
Well, it's Wedding Wednesday once again here in the Shaffer-Lilly household, and it's finally happened. I had my first wedding-related nightmare.
Okay, not so much of a nightmare as a bad dream, really. But still. Waking up, heart-pounding, at 4:30 AM and being unable to fall back asleep as wedding plans stampede back and forth across the backs of your eyelids… not a pleasant way to start the day.
The dream wasn't even all that bad.
Then I wake up. And I still have four months (and one week and five days) to go.
The winter here seems to be lasting forever. Today's high is 54º F, nearly twenty degrees below the average high for this time of year, with a chilly rain set to fall all day. The trees have barely leafed out, though by this time most years they're full-to-bursting with new green. We're already into the first week of May, and when it comes to wedding planning, we only really have four months to go (by this time in September, we'll be packing and preparing for our drive down to the Outer Banks the following week).
Part of me feels like that's no time at all — probably the same part of me that works seven days a week without a day off for months at a time, trying to squeeze in wedding planning whenever I can. Another part of me says, don't panic, stick to the original plan, September gives you plenty of time and the wedding will be beautiful.
And still another part of me worries, just a little, that if I don't spend more time obsessing over details and getting everything perfect, then people won't think of it as a "real wedding." When the pressure's on, I can make decisions like a… um… efficient decision-making machine of some kind. I can cut through complicated issues with a machete — tuna or flounder? tuna, swipe! candles or flowers for the table centerpieces? candles, chop! turquoise or purple ink for the invitations? purple, hiyah! But on the other hand, obsessing over little details imbues these choices with a certain amount of power and significance, and part of me worries that my efficiency will rub off and translate into nonchalance. I mean, I'm already having a "weird Pagan wedding" on the beach, instead of a normal ceremony with all the pomp and circumstance of huge poofy dresses and veils and expensive shoes and identical bridesmaids and everything. What if no one takes it seriously?
So this is a glimpse into Ali's current wedding anxiety. The planning is going smoothly — we've found another officiant and we're back on track with the ceremony planning. Invitations are in the works. All the little details are starting to fall into place, and we're right on schedule. All we really have to do now is stick to the original plan, and keep things in perspective, and maybe pray for a bit of warmth and sunshine around here before, you know, July would be nice.
And I bet some chamomile tea before bed should clear those bad dreams right up! Which is excellent, because Jeff and I recruited the kids to help us start our very own Eco-Victory garden in the backyard this spring, and the chamomile will be sprouting any day now…
Okay, not so much of a nightmare as a bad dream, really. But still. Waking up, heart-pounding, at 4:30 AM and being unable to fall back asleep as wedding plans stampede back and forth across the backs of your eyelids… not a pleasant way to start the day.
The dream wasn't even all that bad.
There we were, hanging out at some relative's house with a bunch of family members, when my mother and one of my aunts start putting their heads together and conspiring — I know! they declare suddenly, Let's just have the wedding right here, right now! And up they get, clearing a space in the living room, moving couches and other bits of furniture aside, elbowing folks out of the way. At first, I'm all for it. Getting to skip ahead to the fun part of actually getting married to the person I love, without having to stumble through the next four months (and one week and five days) of stress and planning? Sure!
But then… people start coming up to me saying things like, "There wasn't much notice, you know," and "We weren't really prepared for all this"… A small bit anxiety starts to rise in me. I explain to them, "Well, we were going to wait, we were going to have a lovely wedding down at the beach in September, it was going to be beautiful…" That phrase repeats over and over in my mind as I try to keep up with the bustling rearrangements of my mother and her helpers. When I try to slow them down, to say maybe we don't need to rush and wouldn't it be nice to just stick to the original plan, she hurriedly shuffles me aside, reassuring me, "Oh, but we'll save so much time and money this way!" I object, "But, I don't want it to feel rushed. I mean, it's an important day, I want it to feel important to everyone else, too." But she smiles brightly and shakes her head. "Oh no, no — you were just going to do some weird Pagan thing anyway, and you hardly invited anyone. What's the difference between that and just getting it done with now?"
"But… it was going to be lovely, it was going to be beautiful…" I murmur helplessly as the rushing continues on around me. "But it was going to be…" Until the anxiety in my chest has become an intense mute protest of panic in my throat, choking off my words, and I can't find Jeff anywhere, they've rushed him off because it's unlucky for him to see the bride before the wedding, and I'm feeling overwhelmed and helpless and I try to cry out, but….
Then I wake up. And I still have four months (and one week and five days) to go.
The winter here seems to be lasting forever. Today's high is 54º F, nearly twenty degrees below the average high for this time of year, with a chilly rain set to fall all day. The trees have barely leafed out, though by this time most years they're full-to-bursting with new green. We're already into the first week of May, and when it comes to wedding planning, we only really have four months to go (by this time in September, we'll be packing and preparing for our drive down to the Outer Banks the following week).
Part of me feels like that's no time at all — probably the same part of me that works seven days a week without a day off for months at a time, trying to squeeze in wedding planning whenever I can. Another part of me says, don't panic, stick to the original plan, September gives you plenty of time and the wedding will be beautiful.
And still another part of me worries, just a little, that if I don't spend more time obsessing over details and getting everything perfect, then people won't think of it as a "real wedding." When the pressure's on, I can make decisions like a… um… efficient decision-making machine of some kind. I can cut through complicated issues with a machete — tuna or flounder? tuna, swipe! candles or flowers for the table centerpieces? candles, chop! turquoise or purple ink for the invitations? purple, hiyah! But on the other hand, obsessing over little details imbues these choices with a certain amount of power and significance, and part of me worries that my efficiency will rub off and translate into nonchalance. I mean, I'm already having a "weird Pagan wedding" on the beach, instead of a normal ceremony with all the pomp and circumstance of huge poofy dresses and veils and expensive shoes and identical bridesmaids and everything. What if no one takes it seriously?
So this is a glimpse into Ali's current wedding anxiety. The planning is going smoothly — we've found another officiant and we're back on track with the ceremony planning. Invitations are in the works. All the little details are starting to fall into place, and we're right on schedule. All we really have to do now is stick to the original plan, and keep things in perspective, and maybe pray for a bit of warmth and sunshine around here before, you know, July would be nice.
And I bet some chamomile tea before bed should clear those bad dreams right up! Which is excellent, because Jeff and I recruited the kids to help us start our very own Eco-Victory garden in the backyard this spring, and the chamomile will be sprouting any day now…
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Ceremony
The time is fast approaching when Ali and I and our officiant will start nailing down the details of the wedding ceremony. It's going to be awesome, because (a) it'll be pagan, so rather different from the Christian ceremonies of most weddings, and (b) Alison will be having huge input. The officiant and I will have lots of input too, of course, but Ali has an amazing genius for ritual -- she has a deep understanding of what makes them work, coupled with an artist's intuition.
We've had a bit of a hiccup with our officiant; the one we'd settled on months ago had to back out at the end of March for personal reasons. But it looks like we've found another, one who's excited to be working with us to design our ceremony, and we're going to be in great shape.
In the 5th and 6th centuries BC, about 50 miles northwest of Rome, there was an Etruscan city called Caisra. Caisra, nestled between lush, protective hills and the Tyrrhenian Sea, was quite rich and powerful, and a traditional friend of Rome. It had three ports, and handled a wealth of trade between the Mediterranean sea powers (Greece, Carthage) and the Etruscan towns further inland and in the Po valley. But at the height of its power, it was defeated by the Greeks, and was made to pay tribute. Later, during the wars between Rome and Carthage, it lost its ports and quickly dropped in population and prominence. Today it is only a third of its original size, and the villagers farm on top of their necropolis.
But the name Caisra was borrowed into the Roman language -- Latin -- in the adjective caerimonia, "pertaining to Caere" (the Roman name of the city). Caerimonia was used to refer to rites of divination, and so it has been supposed that the Etruscans of Caisra were known for their ability with prophetic ritual. The old word came into Medeival Latin as ceremonia, and was borrowed into English in the 14th century as cerymonye. The spelling was later standardized as ceremony.
Spiritually ceremony is a word which brings energy, sunlight, and growth into manifestation, and grounds it.
We've had a bit of a hiccup with our officiant; the one we'd settled on months ago had to back out at the end of March for personal reasons. But it looks like we've found another, one who's excited to be working with us to design our ceremony, and we're going to be in great shape.
In the 5th and 6th centuries BC, about 50 miles northwest of Rome, there was an Etruscan city called Caisra. Caisra, nestled between lush, protective hills and the Tyrrhenian Sea, was quite rich and powerful, and a traditional friend of Rome. It had three ports, and handled a wealth of trade between the Mediterranean sea powers (Greece, Carthage) and the Etruscan towns further inland and in the Po valley. But at the height of its power, it was defeated by the Greeks, and was made to pay tribute. Later, during the wars between Rome and Carthage, it lost its ports and quickly dropped in population and prominence. Today it is only a third of its original size, and the villagers farm on top of their necropolis.
But the name Caisra was borrowed into the Roman language -- Latin -- in the adjective caerimonia, "pertaining to Caere" (the Roman name of the city). Caerimonia was used to refer to rites of divination, and so it has been supposed that the Etruscans of Caisra were known for their ability with prophetic ritual. The old word came into Medeival Latin as ceremonia, and was borrowed into English in the 14th century as cerymonye. The spelling was later standardized as ceremony.
Spiritually ceremony is a word which brings energy, sunlight, and growth into manifestation, and grounds it.
Lillies Among the Lilies
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Jumping Off: Cake vs. Pie
Challenge the status quo. Especially in the name of Awesome.
That's pretty much been our motto in planning this wedding so far. (Only four months, three weeks and five days to go!) Sustainably harvested and crafted wood engagement ring: AWESOME. Caterer who provides local, organic food with many delicious vegetarian options: AWESOME. Wedding registry at a nonprofit cooperative camping gear store (oh, wait, I haven't announced that yet! but still): AWESOME.
In light of this clear and evident trend, I would like to put in a word about cake versus pie. We've put my mother in charge of finding and commissioning the wedding cake, since Jeff and I have only so much awesomeness that we can handle at a time. We've talked a little bit with her about the kind of cake we might like. After all, there are some pretty gorgeous ones out there.
Still, if she's reading this, we'd also like to encourage her not to be afraid to aim higher. Why settle for awesome when you can achieve AWESOME? She may want to take into consideration, for instance, this latest scientific research in cake versus pie dessertology:
(Find out more from Hyperbole and a Half)
Strive for excellence, Mom!
That's pretty much been our motto in planning this wedding so far. (Only four months, three weeks and five days to go!) Sustainably harvested and crafted wood engagement ring: AWESOME. Caterer who provides local, organic food with many delicious vegetarian options: AWESOME. Wedding registry at a nonprofit cooperative camping gear store (oh, wait, I haven't announced that yet! but still): AWESOME.
In light of this clear and evident trend, I would like to put in a word about cake versus pie. We've put my mother in charge of finding and commissioning the wedding cake, since Jeff and I have only so much awesomeness that we can handle at a time. We've talked a little bit with her about the kind of cake we might like. After all, there are some pretty gorgeous ones out there.
Still, if she's reading this, we'd also like to encourage her not to be afraid to aim higher. Why settle for awesome when you can achieve AWESOME? She may want to take into consideration, for instance, this latest scientific research in cake versus pie dessertology:
(Find out more from Hyperbole and a Half)
Strive for excellence, Mom!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Honeymoon
We've been laying down the final plans for the honeymoon (and it's going to be awesome -- I'll have a special post up about it one of these days real soon now), so I thought I'd dig into the origin of the word...
Honey is of uncertain origin, but may go back to a Proto Indo European root something like kanek, meaning "golden". It became khunaga in West Germanic and was probably applied to "honey" at that time. (The word gold comes from a PIE root meaning "yellow / green".) In Old English it became hunig, and honey in Middle English. Spiritually it has qualities of heart and hearth, earthiness, and groundedness, but also high energy.
Moon goes back to Proto Indo European menses or meses, meaning "moon" and "month". This probably is related to the PIE root me, "measure", because the moon was of course associated with measuring time. In most daughter languages of PIE, this root was only retained for "month"; the moon itself got other names (eg selene in Greek, meaning "brightness", luna in Latin from the same root as lux, "light"). The Germanic languages, though, retained the pairing as mænon for "moon" and mænoth for "month". mænon became mona in Old English, and moon in Middle English. During this time it retained is association with time, measurement, and months. Spiritually the word evokes a manifestation of flowing, subconscious energy.
The honeymoon, then, is a month, a season, of flowing, half-conscious sweetness grounded in the heart and earth.
Wednesday, April 06, 2011
Family
"Where does the family start? It starts with a young man falling in love with a girl - no superior alternative has yet been found.” -- Winston Churchill
"When a parent gives to a child, both laugh; when a child gives to a parent, both cry." -- Shakespeare (paraphrased)
Family! It's a word that makes some people shudder, and others feel warm inside. But oddly enough, it's a relatively recent concept in English.
Among the Anglo-Saxons, there was no word that meant "family". Most often they used hiwscipe, which meant something closer to "household": it included the husband, wife, children, servants, slaves, pets, animals, buildings, and lands. It was centered unambiguously on the husband, who was legally in charge of it all. In the 1500's, however, the Latin-derived word family (which came from familia, "servants") became widely used to mean everyone in the household. By the 1660's the meaning of family had been changed to referring to primarily those people connected by blood.
Even today, family is a vague term, at its edges. Depending on context, it could refer to the whole human race (the "human family") or to a single pair of unmarried adults (and their dog). At its core, though, is a special notion of intimate kinship between souls that perhaps not even death can sunder.
“Writers will happen in the best of families.” -- Rosa Mae Brown
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Jumping Off: Getting Weddinged (And Other Alternatives)
On the heels of yesterday's post about the legal and religious aspects of tying the knot, I wanted to point family and friends towards the wonderful and inspiring website Offbeat Bride, where they have a whole subcategory for brides who celebrate their wedding day with family and friends after they've gotten the legal ceremony out of the way. (They call it, tongue-in-cheek, "getting weddinged.")As one writer explains, there are also many nonreligious reasons why couples choose to hold a civil ceremony prior to hosting a wedding day celebration with family and friends: military deployment, pregnancy, financial constraints, and immigration issues, to name a few. Even though this practice is far from rare in America, it can still stir up controversy, inviting accusations of "playing pretend" or "making a gift grab." But as the writer points out:
Those reactions are extremely North American-centric. In most European countries, all couples who wish to get married first have to do so in a civil ceremony. Then, they are free to have a religious wedding if they want. The city hall wedding is often very simple, with only immediate family and witnesses present, and the bride wears a nice but casual short dress, saving the long white dress, veil and big reception for their religious wedding. The most famous example known to us here in America is certainly Eva Longoria’s wedding to French basketball player Tony Parker. She was wearing a short pink Chanel dress to her civil ceremony officiated by the Mayor of Paris, but wore a white and satin silk designer dress with a fifteen foot train for the religious ceremony in a Catholic church the next day. Yet, no one would think of screaming "gift-grab!" or "just playing pretend!" Why? No, it's not just because she's a celebrity. But because it was in the groom's culture to do it that way. In France and almost all of Europe, a bigger wedding after a civil one is not only accepted, but expected.
Offbeat Bride has been a fantastic resource for inspiration, insight and perspective over the last year, and I encourage you to hop on over and check out some of the amazing "Wedding Porn" and crazy-cool themes from couples of all backgrounds, cultures and religions from all over the world. It's helpful to remember that no matter how kooky or weird you're own wedding might be, there's someone out there who did it weirder and wilder than you, with no regrets! Time and again, the story of Offbeat Brides everywhere has been the same: be true to yourself, and your family and friends will support you.
Jeff and I hope that will be true for our wedding. And it also helps take the pressure off to know that if things get too intense, we can always just elope and have a Doctor Who themed wedding in Vegas. (I mean, seriously, how cool is that?!)
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